Uncle Bob, I Love You
July 22nd, 2010 | Personal, Photography Tips, Weddings
This is a picture from Chris & Joanne’s pre-wedding shoot…I’m using it as an illustration only
Uncle Bob is well known amongst wedding photographers. We talk about him, rub shoulders with him & cross lenses almost every week. He is usually an aspiring photographer or just a very enthusiastic friend/relative of the newly weds jostling for shooting positions so that he can share his images with the family. He carries a point-and-shoot or iPhone and of late, DSLRs and bigger lenses.
There is usually enough room for another person to take pictures. When we, the official photographers, get our pictures we don’t mind having Uncle Bob around. However if Uncle Bob jumped in front of us just as we were about to nail the groom unveiling and kissing the bride. Man, all hell broke loose. How can we be civil and reach some sort of understanding? Not sure how other photographers do it, but I wouldn’t mind sharing my approach.
Acknowledge Uncle Bob
“Hey that’s some great equipment you’ve got there! You must be real serious about photography. By the way, I’m Louis, the official photographer.” I reach out and shake his hand. I think deep down, every photographer wants to be respected and taken seriously no matter what level we are in. We all hate it when someone waltz into the room and suck the oxygen out of it with that “I am better than you” attitude. While contractually I have priority access to the best vantage points, I would rather not boss people around. I believe the bigger person should be humble enough to make the first move.
Win Him Over
“Hey you know what. I might need your help at some point. Would you mind holding a flash for me if I needed an extra hand?” Uncle Bob would be thrilled to be on the substitute bench of the pro team. A minute ago, he was just sitting at the stands! I had actually roped in Uncle Bob to stand in as my lighting assistant. We became great pals chatting over light setups by the end of the day.
Work It Out
“You must be really excited to get some pictures today. Me too! Just so that we both get our pictures, when the bride enters the church, I’ll be shooting from here. It’ll be great if we don’t end up blocking each other. Now if I blocked you, just tap my shoulder ok? Is it ok if I do the same to you?”
First, I don’t leave it to chances by communicating clearly and directly. He has just given me permission to tap him. Yay! Secondly, I have extended a courtesy to him, giving him permission to signal him if I am blocking him. He would reciprocate. Usually, he would say, “You are the official guy man. I don’t wanna get in your way.” In the rare occasion that Uncle Bob was mean and unreasonable, we still walk away looking magnanimous and big.
Play The Trump Cards
If all of the above failed, I would get my clients to intervene. Probably did that twice in the last five years.
There is no point crying over missed opportunities because we got in each other’s way. I prefer preventive measures and diplomacy. The couple will get the MC to announce prior to the ceremony that the guests are welcomed to take pictures from their seat and keep the phone on silent mode. The latter bit makes the announcement less conspicuous 
In Asia, my female colleagues told me that I got more respect because I’m a 5’10” male photographer. “Uncle Bob be nice ok. These are my good friends and they are great photographers. Besides, there is no glory in picking on the ladies ok?”
If you identify yourself as an Uncle Bob, I want you to know that I want you to get the best pictures possible. I understand the joy and thrill of nailing a great shot and I want we all get it. We both want the couple to be as happy as they can be. Let’s help one another here, shall we? We are here to make pictures, not enemies 
July 22nd, 2010 at 7:18 am
This is a GREAT post. I have to say in my very few years as a wedding photographer, there is not one wedding that goes by where we have, what my husband calls it, the “family/friend competition.” I actually think he has a fun time figuring out who it is going to be for the day. I always tell my client.. I love that family and friend want to take pictures of you. I mean, I love my clients and I am just their photographer.. these are people who are important in there like and honestly, I was that person not to many years ago!
I like the “Win Him Over” section the best. I never really though to take that position. I normally just work around everyone and pray that they are in their seats when every big moment comes! Thankfully this has worked for me.. but who know how long that will last! Thanks for the tips! Love your work and your blog is on my google home page so I keep up with you daily! Cheers and Happy Shooting!!!
July 22nd, 2010 at 8:34 am
Love this one..experiencing it at almost every wedding lol
July 22nd, 2010 at 8:49 am
What a nice way to bring out this topic….now i have more wisdom to deal with Uncle Bob
July 22nd, 2010 at 8:58 am
totally agree and great tips!
July 22nd, 2010 at 9:14 am
Excellent advice. This is a great post! Honey > vinegar, but vinegar if you absolutely have to. Thanks a lot.
July 22nd, 2010 at 9:38 am
I do love the win over him approach. Jeremy & I assisted numerous photographers this year and last year, the approach that I love the most is when the main photographer told the Uncle Bob “Here, you can take the first photo, I will take some after you.” I’ve witnessed numerous times that Uncle Bob actually backed out and said to the main photog “You are the pro man, you take the first photo.”. Wow, I was beyond believe how reverse psychology works so well!! Little that I know when we humble ourselves we can win people over by our tiny actions.
Louis, sorry for haven’t got back to you about the workshop stuff yet, we’ll make it happen. We are just cross checking Scott’s schedules for 2011 and get his wife to OK hahahaha! Hope all is well and Hiiiii to Jasmine!! I will write back to you soon!
July 22nd, 2010 at 9:49 am
I haven’t had bad experiences with Uncle Bobs, but there was one wedding where there were many Uncle Bobs and Auntie Janes.
And these were hordes of camera phones, and PNS. This was during the dinner reception when the bride and groom entered. It was a grand entrance as it was a baba and nonya ceremony and we had to shoot from a distance to get a proper vantage point.
How then do you deal with all the guests who suddenly pops into the path?
July 22nd, 2010 at 9:53 am
Very good writeup Louis. I should say that this doesn’t apply to uncle bob but also videographers
Everyone should work together.
July 22nd, 2010 at 9:58 am
Wow.. Louis you have a new fan.
I’m usually the uncle bob’s in most places but I make it a point not to get in the way of anyone, much less the official photographer. It’s better to be insignificant than to stick out like a sore thumb as the person who ruined the moment for the couple.
July 22nd, 2010 at 10:08 am
Thanks for sharing Uncle Louis, great!
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Ditto on the tips given Louis
Ta!
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Good writing and sharing. All of us should respect one another and be kind.
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:32 pm
You really hit the spot. Sad to say, many Uncle Bob’s exist and they will think they are taking world class photos blocking the official photographer or the videographer.
Good to know of some of the approach.
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Thanks for sharing. This reminds me of something I’ve read before:
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
July 22nd, 2010 at 5:16 pm
we too as the official photographers would have to be careful in case we accidentally become videographer’s ‘uncle bob’
July 22nd, 2010 at 8:37 pm
brilliant post louis n i love how civil you’ve made it sound. my most recent uncle bob was the second shooter for the other official photographer team – yeah family hires 2 different teams – now the main guy n me were all civil n making sure we didnt get into each others shot – where else this uncle bob was getting into everyones shot including his main – i finally told him to not get in my way
July 23rd, 2010 at 7:19 am
great stuff Louis! thanks for sharing as sometimes, i’m the official tog and other times i’m Uncle Jo Bob too
look forward to seeing you soon!
July 23rd, 2010 at 7:39 am
Excellent photo! I’ve often wanted to add my own twin lens reflex in a wedding photo, but I don’t think I can top this one. Just the expressions are priceless. What an awesome photo!
July 23rd, 2010 at 2:23 pm
First of all, I want to say that the photo looks great! So natural. Well, everything was put into a very educated manner. Every step is just sensitive and is very right. I couldn’t say anything more but those things are reasonable enough.
July 23rd, 2010 at 3:36 pm
You’re a true professional with a good attitude!
And I agree with Perry’s comment.
July 23rd, 2010 at 3:59 pm
You’re a true professional with a great attitude
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I got irked by a videographer who got into my way when photographing a friend’s wedding. To be fair to him, I also got into his way
July 28th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Thanks Louis for this great pic. The expression on Chris’s face could not have been better captured. =)