Didn’t expect to get the kind of responses and reactions with my previous blog post. There are passionate debates from different angles. I am glad we kept the arguments civil for the most part.

Is it a bad thing that some of our dreams died? Must we hang on to all of them at all cost? I had many dreams dashed too.

Dream #1
I aced my Form Three government exams. Entering into form four and five, the school would stream students to arts or science stream. “Smart kids go to science stream” was the general perception then. A panel of teachers would decide whether you ascend to the coolest and smartest class a.k.a the only science class in school or be cast to the one of the four lowly arts classes.

I wanted to be seen as smart so off to science class I went though I had no idea what it was all about.

For the next two years, I struggled to pass Additional Maths (or advanced maths) and Physics. I went from a top student to a mediocre one in weeks. Worked extra hard to keep up with my classmates. Despite hiring a tutor and spending 3-4 hours on these two subjects everyday, I barely passed them. Grades for other subjects dropped as well as just didn’t have the energy and time for them after grinding on Maths and Physics. I had never done worse or been more depressed in school. I passed form five, but just barely.

I wasn’t wired to be a science student but that didn’t mean I was dumb, just that I was smart in other areas like languages and history. Yet the obsession to be seen as a smart science class student just blinded me. Yes, BLIND. How often we cannot see what is real because we see only what we want to see. Desperately believing the lie we tell ourselves. I wished someone had the courage to yank me aside, straighten me out and save me from two years of misery.

Dream #2
Smarting from my secondary school disaster, I’ve learned to steer clear of the sciences. When I entered the University of Toronto, I wanted to do a double major in English and History. My idea of English is writing some essays & read some books. U of T’s English is about Chaucer, Shakespeare, literature and sonnets which sound like alien talk to a boy from Borneo.

To say I did badly in year one was an understatement. An English professor told me that he couldn’t see how I could do well in English literature given my lack of training and exposure to it when I was younger. I was bitter and angry. “How dare this old white man say that to me? He is racist and judgmental.” That meeting was a turning point.

The following year, I dropped out of English literature and enrolled in a Minor in Professional Writing. Met Dr. Guy Allen, a passionate teacher and brilliant writer who had a background in teaching English as a second language. From getting Ds, I was getting As in Professional Writing. My short stories were aired in a literary radio station. Even read a short piece at a writers’ festival. My overall grades went up. Guy Allen was my John Keating (Robin William’s character in Dead Poet Society). Just as instrumental was the old professor who told me to quit wasting time in English Lit.

The death of one dream makes way for a the birth of a new one. “Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.” Steve Jobs couldn’t have said it better.

My previous post wasn’t meant to put down anyone who couldn’t make it in photography. It is to put a point that excelling in photography is a big price to pay. Not everyone could pay that price; not everyone should pay that price.

For those of us who couldn’t and shouldn’t, I hope you will find happiness in doing something else more fulfilling yet continue to enjoy photography however, wherever, whenever you can. For those of us who are full time in photography, the challenge to sustain this passion. As Steve Jobs put it, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.”